Logical

“Hello,” I say holding the phone up to my ear.
“Hi. This is Jen from O2 air. Is Katharine’s mom available?”
“This is her.”
“It is time to do another overnight test for Katharine.”
“Really? Another one.”
“Yeah, we have to do them every 6 months.”
“Um I wonder if insurance companies are aware of how much this doesn’t make sense for parents.”
“What’s that,” Jen asked questionly.
“Well, I don’t know asking a special needs baby who is on full-time on oxygen to stay off oxygen all night doesn’t make much sense to me.”
“Oh, yeah,”Jen responded once it hit that I wasn’t upset with her.

Well it doesn’t make NO sense to me. I get it the oxygen companies need to have the numbers to prove the need. I get that part. I am just thinking in this day in age that is the best way they have to do it? Like really you want to take my already needing oxygen child and deny her the oxygen she needs so that you can justify her needing oxygen. That’s a bit hard me.

I can understand why it isn’t hard for the insurance company. They aren’t there in my house in the night. They don’t get up with her when she starts blowing snot, or watch her face turn to an ashen color. They aren’t there watching her heart rate rise or watching her struggling to breathe. It wouldn’t be hard for me either if I wasn’t there.

I am there though. I am there through it all. I am up with her in the night and I am knowing what the lack of oxygen is doing to her. I am watching her labor to breathe and to be honest…my momma’s heart has been through a lot but that is more than I can take. When you can’t help someone because it is completely out of your control is different then when you can help someone but you kind of cant. It is a different kind of helpless. It’s why I wish insurance companies were more logical. Like let’s not have someone who already hurts…hurt more.

I knowing this is dreaming but how about they trust me. Like you seem like a reasonable parent and someone who actually doesn’t prefer to have their child on something that they don’t need to be on so we can trust that if you daughter needs it…she actually probably really needs it. No questions asked just trust. Now I know that this probably won’t happen….it might have happened a LONG time ago but not so much in this day and age. Maybe one day we can get back to there. Maybe….but until then I have to have my doctor write Katie Grace a note…that or watch her struggle.

I am going with a doctors note.

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