I want a contender.

“I want somebody so devoted to praying for Katie Grace, that they are just as heartbroken if she dies as you and Charles.”

(I’ll explain this quote in a minute)

Charles and I are surrounded by people who believe in healing.  They believe in miracles and they believe that we can see miraculous healing today.  It is an awe-inspiring environment that breeds hope and faith and it helps keep the joy amidst burdensome times.  When Katie Grace was born we were blessed to be in this community of people. My heart finds much peace knowing that I have friends and their kids who pray for my daughter on a regular basis. They triumph us in their prayers and that to me is an astounding reflection of the Lord’s love.

I find today though that I am at a crossroad.  One I never thought I would be at. Throughout our journey we have had Katie Grace prayed for, we have had people stop by and pray for her, we have had people ask us if they could come by and pray, and we have been open.  We believe it’s good.  Prayer is good.  Recently someone who is kind of a friend of a friend say I had a dream about your daughter and I would like to come by and pray for her.  And I find that I don’t know that I want to say yes.

Crossroad.

I surprised myself with my lack of “YES.”  I  lean into prayers from friends and family. I rely on their faith and their constants prayers as I am in the trenches of Katie Grace’s care.  I need people praying. I am Martha right now with Katie Grace and I need Mary’s to carry that faith part of me that get’s lost in the “work.” So I find myself surprised. Why would I not want someone to come by and pour healing prayers into my daughter?

I am not sure what you do when you are at a crossroads, but I process with my mom.  She is the world’s best processor and crossroads helper.  This is what kind of just slipped out of her mouth as we talked: (insert above quote)

“I want somebody so devoted to praying for Katie Grace, that they are just as heartbroken if she dies as you and Charles.”

And this is the crossroads.  I crave a longer termer.   A person/ people who look at my daughter and don’t see brokenness, they see wholeness.  I have moved beyond one time powerful prayers, wanting somebody whose broken for my daughter.  This crossroads manifest that healing ministry isn’t just a one time prayer and then boom you are healed.  Sometimes it calls for long-term contending; years worth of contending.  You need to be open to asking the Lord for which kind of healing is this.  I think that well known men and women in healing ministries go to conferences and see hundreds of miraculous healings.  They also have healings that they continue to contend for because healings are not only quick.  Healings they have dedicated themselves too; that they pray into everyday because it is both.  Healing is both quick and long-term.  He is both quick and long-term. The Lord reveals himself in both kinds of healings and healing is about revealing the Lord, not the power of man.  You have to go after both kind of healings in healing ministry. You have to be willing to hear “I want you to do..etc…etc…etc.”

For my girl. For this time.  We need contenders. We need people who will sneak into the house and not interrupt our lives but just stand and pray over her.  People or a person who will position themselves in prayer and intercede. Who will dedicate time in their day, everyday to pray for her. It feels vulnerable to write this.  To write that I want more for my daughter then a drive by prayer.  In all honesty though, I do.  I want more Katy Joy’s. Someone who looked at me one day and said “I know you believe you only have 5 years with your girl but I believe in her healing and so if you don’t mind, that is what I am praying for.”  And my response, with tear filled eyes as always is “Thank you!! Pray away. I need you to pray. I need you to believe because I can’t always.  I have to be okay with her dying. I have to be okay because I have to make hard choices for her. I have to decide how this life is going to look for her and sometimes the better decisions for her are the most painful for me.  So please pray away. Believe with your heart for what my heart longs for.”

I appreciate the offer to come by and pray and it is hard to say no.  I want Katy Joy’s though and Ginny Grimes and Amy Gagnon and all my other’s who stand around and say yes to my daughters healing. I want Mary’s who stand in faith and love me while I am Martha. I want contender’s.

I want people/a person so dedicated to praying for Katie Grace that if she dies they are just as heartbroken as Charles and I.

One thought on “I want a contender.

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