Beautifully broken

I am always taken aback by how peaceful my daughter looks when she sleeps, it hits me all the more when she is sick. When her chest is lifting up and down with such a load laboring to get a breath. Her body amazingly glowing all fair like, although to touch her skin is to feel fire of fever on your hands. It is in these moments I think to myself, how does one look so peaceful when they are so indisposed.

How is it I can see such calmness when her body is working and fighting so hard?  Here is where Jesus answers my question and answers with only two words: beautifully broken.

She is peaceful and calm because she knows who she is; although her body hurts and fights her spirit is at rest. Her thoughts can’t help but be on the Lord. She can’t help but find refuge in him.  On some level she will always struggle and fight in this physical earth but because of who she is in the Lord, because of that depth of relationship and strength of spirit, she makes the fight look easy.  It is that depth that makes her broken beautiful.

That broken beautiful challenges me to be able to shine the way that she does, when I am broken.  When my heart is discouraged and sad. When I am frustrated at life and silly things that probably don’t matter in the long run.

I want to be radiant. I want to be beautiful.

Radiant and beautiful isn’t my default though.  Foot stomping, crying, arm crossing…whining…complaining….frustration….anger. Those are my defaults. I don’t turn to the depth of my relationship with the Lord. I don’t always seek to find the monuments He has placed in my life that say, Don’t worry about a thing, everything thing is going to be okay. Instead I let my thoughts go and quickly my emotions after….or visa versa. I let my emotions go and my thoughts yield, following my emotions wherever they may go.

Enough is enough.  It is time to take my thoughts captive.  This seems to be a theme for me right now.  I heard a woman I respect speak and throw a gauntlet down that said, manage who you are, speak the truths of the Lord, silence the emotionally lies and be free.

And I go home, and here in my lap, in my everyday is the example of what she spoke.

It is the beautifully baby broken on so many levels, and yet the most whole being I have ever met.  The one who is constant beacon turning me back to Jesus, challenging me to find the depth of who I am in the Lord.

She is my revelation that broken can be beautifully when you know who you are in the Lord. When you find the depth of relationship with him, that shine so brightly through that the broken isn’t the focus.

She is my example of being beautifully broken.

 

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