If I can’t be mad….I am going to write.

Today’s fight.

Anthem Blue Cross.

Why you ask?

Simple…Katie Grace needs a medicine and they aren’t approving it so my pharmacy cant fill it so she can’t use it.  Actually they already approved it and we have been receiving it, but all of a sudden now we can’t. 

Just like that.

This morning, I spent my time fairly unevenly between entertaining Isaac and calling Blue Cross, then calling my pharmacy, then calling Blue Cross.

I have been on the phone with them from about 8:35 until 11:45. I have talked 6  different representatives and heard 3 different stories, only to make it to my last phone call where hopefully things could be wrapped up, and hear their computer systems are down and I have to call back in 15 minutes. 

I have gone from everything is going to be okay, to we are not going to approve this medicine, to you have to use a mail in order pharmacy that gives horrible service, to you have an authorization it is just entered wrong into the computer. 

So here I sit, pretty sure I could possibly get her medicine today but with no real confidence or surety.

Here I sit, feeling a little hopeless, a little bit sad.  And I really want to be angry.  I really want to yell and scream until somebody hears the fear in my voice.  The fear that I won’t be able to do what I need to do to take care of Katie Grace.  I am already at such a disadvantage with her. There is pain I can’t heal, or help. Making sure she has her medicines that help her do life, it’s my way of kissing the boo boo. Of comforting her during the pain.  When my ability to do that is denied, it makes me afraid…and sad. 

I have to call Blue Cross back, and I want to be kind.  So I wrote. I don’t want to be angry or upset. I don’t want my fear to say I get to be rude. I want to be clear and kind, and compassionate. 

Wish me luck!

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