And then Death showed up

I keep walking into my kitchen.  Mindlessly opening the fridge, scanning the contents.  I want something but I don’t know what.  Nothing “sounds” good.  I keep looking though…hoping my eyes will see the thing that “sounds” good.

Then I realize, I don’t want food.

I want my daughter.

I want the silence to go away.

I want my house to not feel so empty.

I want to squish my face to her cheeks one last time.

She isn’t here though.  She left us today.  She laid in her Grammies’ arms, holding my hand with her daddy’s hand on her head, and breathed her last breaths.

And I feel so numb.  It’s so surreal. Tomorrow I will wake up and she won’t be there.  There will be no medicine to get.  No food to get ready.  There will be no machines alarming. No pumps beeping, or suction machines going.  I will simply wake up.

My mind can’t really grasp it.  She fought so hard.  She left his world just as tenaciously as she came into.  Her body had been in kidney failure for these past three days, and when we woke up this morning we knew.  Her breaths were so far apart, and her temperature was so low. Yet still she kept going.  All day, we took turns holding her, talking to her. And at 5:30 pm with two breathes that sounded like bye-bye, she stopped breathing.  We wept. We worshiped. And we breathed in the peace she brought everywhere she went for one last time.

As I write this I can see her, finally fully in heaven.  Whispering with Jesus, like she was known to do.  And they are sharing secrets, secrets of what is yet to come.  Secrets of their love for us.  They look at me, and the adoration I see is more than my heart can take.  And I miss her already. And I know that I need to lean into this picture…I need to lean into the Lord and know that although she isn’t here, she is never far. Just as she interceded for me here on earth, she does it even more in heaven.

 

 

 

 

 

11 thoughts on “And then Death showed up

  1. Charles your writings are an onspiration to all… I’m so sorry for your loss but like the psalmist David wrote at the death of his child; he cannot come back to me but I can go to him. *the life of a Christian isn’t easy but we have an ‘anchor’ that keeps the soul!
    Praying for you and your family as you walk through this dark valley.
    From my heart
    Diane

    Like

  2. Katie, you don’t know me, but I’ve followed your story here for almost 2 years after seeing something Sarah posted on FB. I remember Charles as a little boy. I have had the honor and privilege of working with children who have special needs for many years now, one especially whom your sweet Katie Grace reminded me of. Her name was Evelyn Rose and she went home to be with Jesus almost 3 years ago when she was 3 1/2. I imagine there is a special place in heaven for these precious children to laugh and run and play. I am so sorry for your loss and will keep you and your family in my prayers.

    Like

    1. Lennie! Thank you! Special needs children are pretty amazing! They make being broken beautiful. I think we could learn alot from them! Thank you for making a place and space for them here on earth 🙂 and thank you for your prayers!!

      Like

  3. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to your family. Thankful your precious daughter is whole and healed in the arms of Jesus. Many prayers!

    Like

  4. As we join your family in celebrating Katie Grace’s life and joining our Lord Jesus, our tears flow hard for your loss. Dear Father, comfort our dear friends while they go through the next part of the process. Saying goodbye can be the hardest of all to do, so hold them tight Lord. Amen.
    We love you and want to hold you all close.
    Hugs to you.
    Henry and Sheilah Miller

    Like

  5. I will be here, on the other side of the country, loving you, praying for you. We will talk one day soon when you have strength. Please hug Charles for me too.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s